Everyone Loses

Dear friends,

I have been pleasantly surprised in my first six weeks with Renee how easy it has been to access everywhere we've needed to go. Not once has a waitress, store owner, or well-meaning citizen even questioned whether or not Renee could be in a particular place. By law, any place open to the public is accessible to service dogs. Renee has been in airplanes, cabs, restaurants, churches, schools, and stores with no concerns.

I recently, however, received my first rejection. I will certainly not go into detail about the event in which I am writing to protect the well-intending person who communicated with me. I do, however, find this issue very important and believe it's crucial for others to hear about the situation.

I was planning to attend an event out of town. The event was something that I promised some people that I dearly care about that I would attend. I made this commitment months ago. I recently confirmed with the event coordinator that I would be attending with my Seeing Eye Dog. I am not required to disclose such information but did so as a courtesy.  The coordinator is someone I know fairly well. I assumed that this would not be an issue.

I just received word yesterday that while I am welcome to attend the event, my dog is not allowed to come. Many reasons were listed including dog allergies, potential fears of dogs, and that my dog would distract from the event. In short, my dog would be an inconvenience for the attendees. To support her claims, since the coordinator knows me, she suggested that I have enough vision to attend the event without my dog.

There are so many issues with this situation that it's hard to know where to start. I am going to set aside the fact that this response is actually illegal, since although it's true, I have no intention of taking legal action. Instead, I aim to use this difficult and honestly painful situation as an educational moment.

The issues are sort of divided into two groups: convenience and assumption. Suggesting that my dog's presence at the event would make things difficult for others made me think a bit. Yes, it's possible that attendees might be allergic to Renee. It's also possible that attendees have developed a fear of dogs for one reason or another. Still, the reality of either of these situations simply cannot imply that I should be the one excluded.

Here's why: Someone with an allergy can overcome his or her challenges by avoiding my dog. This situation occurred on a flight from Seattle about two weeks ago when Renee and I were returning home from a law school interview. Another passenger was concerned about being in a tight space for a long flight while she had allergies to dogs. This problem was easily solved by seating us at opposite ends of the plane. The other issue of fear is also one that can be dealt with by staying away or overcoming that fear. I will also say that Renee couldn't hurt a fly if she tried!

The biggest difference between the concerns addressed here and the reality of my situation is that my problem has a fix as well... It just happens to have four legs and a tail. I can't attend an event like this and get around crowds of people without bumping into things, except when I have Renee.

It's also not about convenience. We can't think that way. I realize that it might seem annoying to a select few for me to have my dog, but let's be honest here. Being blind isn't convenient either. Neither is having a dog! None of this is about convenience. Life isn't about convenience. It's about finding ways to allow all people to access life to the fullest together.

I'll also add that if an event is done well, which I'm sure this one will be, my dog will not be the main attraction. Yes, people will see her. They might even want to pet her when they can't. But she is well-behaved and calm in every situation. She is trained to be as invisible as possible. There is also a helpful sign on her harness that reads, "Ignore me. I am a working guide dog." I work very hard to pay little attention to Renee when I'm with others. I go about my normal business. This minimizes her presence and allows others to carry on. The worst thing that could happen is that someone learns about diversity by seeing my ability to attend an event like this because of the abilities my dog gives me.

Okay, now let's get to the second issue regarding assumption. If you think I'm passionate about the convenience issue, just you wait. This is a huge moment for everyone. I need to be reminded of this as well. Never ever assume you know what it's like for someone else, especially someone with a disability. Never assume that you know what a deaf person can hear, how far a person with limited mobility can walk, how much a person with a cognitive impairment can learn, or how much a blind person can see.

This goes both ways. You shouldn't assume too much or too little. A lot of people underestimate the abilities of people with labeled impairments, which limits them even more. But as in this situation, many people also overestimate the abilities of others. I think this is most common with people like me who have hidden disabilities, ones that aren't very obvious.

The reality is that I do need Renee. I need her when crossing the busy streets to get to the event. I need her to navigate through the crowds of people at the event. I would not have gone through the intense admissions process to train at The Seeing Eye, nor would I have been accepted if I didn't truly need Renee. I need her to help me, and I shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone in order to gain access with her. The advocates who have gone before me already proved everything necessary to pass laws like the Americans with Disabilities Act. Case closed.

The other issue about leaving her at home is more of the philosophy behind our team. We go together! With the exception of loud fireworks or concerts, she goes everywhere with me. The second I start to think about going without her, I take her responsibility away. That's not fair to her, to leave her home just because I'm too concerned about what people might think in a given situation. It's also unfair to me, to feel like I might not be accepted because I have a service dog.

While I will certainly continue to respect this individual, I cannot express in words how heartbroken I am. To think that someone would not invite or accept me just because I have a dog is both ridiculous and painful. I could force the person to allow me to attend this event with Renee, since it is my legal right to attend with her. This is an issue of discrimination. I care too much about our relationship to do that. But I think there's a huge sense of loss here.

There is loss on both sides. I lose out on the chance to attend a really cool event. I also must abandon my commitment to those I promised I'd attend, something that truly kills me. But they lose, too. The people I know at the event miss out on sharing the experience with me, and the other attendees miss the opportunity to have a representation of true diversity.

I want to encourage everyone to have inclusive minds. Don't reject someone because you're too concerned to deal with issues that might arise. Don't let your fears limit others. Although it was my dog who was directly rejected, I was rejected, too. I have been rejected because of my disability. Really, someone else's inability to follow both legal and moral reasoning makes my disability even stronger in this situation. I'll get over this someday, but the chance to engage with others at this event will be missed forever.

Regretfully Yours,

Sara Conrad

PS: If you have any questions regarding issues raised in these posts, email us at seeinglifetogether@gmail.com