Never Let You Go

Hi Friend!

It’s Renee again. I had such an interesting time traveling with my mom last week. She has been accepted into tons of law schools, 11 of them, I think. I don’t actually know what “eleven” means, but I think that’s a lot. I’m really proud of her, but I’m pretty tired from going so many places. I will tell you about all of our adventures, but I have to get this one out first.

I had such a scary time at one of our visits. One of the towns was really old and had lots of brick walkways. Some people seemed to think they looked cool, but I thought they were terrible. Many of the paths were missing bricks in lots of places.

I try so hard to help my mom get everywhere she wants to go. I stop at curbs and when I see a roadblock in our way. But I am not a superhero; I can’t do everything! There were so many bricks missing and cracks in the sidewalks that I couldn’t possibly show my mom all of them. She did really well most of the day, although I could tell she was stressed as she stumbled down the streets. She said she was even wearing flats. I don’t know what that means either. Why wouldn’t her shoes be flat?

After visiting the school in that town, my mom wanted to walk around a little to see where she might be living if she chose that school. I can’t remember everything that happened. It all happened so fast, kind of like when Coda runs past me. It’s like I blinked and everything changed.

My mom and I were walking really well down the sidewalk. I swerved to help her around one crack, when the next thing I knew I was a few steps into the street! I was so scared. I don’t know what happens when a car hits someone, but they are so big and fast. They freak me out. I was so confused. How did I get here? Why did my mom drop my harness handle? My mom! Where is my mom?

Suddenly, I heard my mom screaming, “Renee! Oh, Renee!” in the most frightened voice I have ever heard. I looked over to see her on the sidewalk. She had fallen down hands first, and I could tell she was in pain. She didn’t know where I was at first, because I had ran a few steps into the street when she dropped my harness as she fell. I ran to her. What happened? Why is my mom on the ground? What obstacle did I miss?

Then I saw it. There were so many cracks in the sidewalk that I couldn’t guide my mom around all of them. While I was swerving for one, my mom hit another. She got up and hugged me tighter than I have ever been hugged before. She was almost in tears, and I don’t think my mom is much of a crier.

At first, I thought my mom’s sadness was about falling. I thought she was embarrassed or in pain. Then I realized that she wasn’t embarrassed and wasn’t in much pain. She was  scared, scared for me. She said, “If something had happened to you…Oh Renee!” as she hugged me. I’m not sure what she meant, but I was so glad to be back by her side. I never want to be in the road ever again.

Waiting for our bus after a long day

I learned a few things about my mom that day. First, I’m her girl. When something scary happens to me, she gets scared. When I get stressed, she gets stressed. We are a team, and she and I feed off of each other’s thoughts. The second thing is that my mom is a fighter. She’s the kind of person who will fall down, brush off her skirt, and start walking once again with her head held high.

I love that about my mom. I love how confident she is. But we are a team now, and I might not always be that confident. I’m really smart and can tell when something is too much for us. My mom tried to keep working me as we walked. I was so upset about what happened that I kept stopping along the way. I kept telling my mom that I was done for the day. I wanted to just magically appear back in our hotel room for the night. I knew that she needed a break, and I did, too. We needed to be done. We needed to be safe. I could not stand the thought that she might fall again or let me go.

The third and final thing I learned about my mom that day, however, is that she loves me so much. After an hour bus ride and a walk back to our hotel, my mom knew I was stressed. When it was time for bed, I was still worked up about our day. I was panting extra hard, although I wasn’t thirsty. I just wanted to curl up by my mom and wake up to a new day.

My mom has been really nervous about letting me in the bed. She says I’m dirty. I think that is a really rude thing to say to a dog who works so hard, but she’s probably right. I do like to roll around in the yard. My mom also thinks that if I get on the bed once I might try to get on her bed all the time, which she is apparently against. Okay, I lied. There’s a fourth thing I learned on this trip. My mom is absolutely crazy! I guess that kind of goes with the idea that she loves me, because she loves me like crazy. Instead of letting me in the bed, my mom pulled the king-sized mattress from her bed onto the floor. She is strong!

My mom let sleep by her on the mattress. She thought it was a nice compromise between sleeping on my mutt-mat on the floor and having me in her bed. She said something about being glad the maids would change the sheets and that she took an extra long shower in the morning after. I’m not sure why, but I happily snuggled up by her all night, so glad to be safe, warm, and in love.

I think today was good for our team. Sometimes problems happen that make teams weaker. But we got stronger, today. We learned that we never ever ever want to be apart again.  

Still Smiling,

Renee, the Seeing Eye Dog